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Vishaan
11-27-2008, 01:15 PM
The burning it hurts,
Again and again.
The suffering it works,
When my blood goes thin.

My masterpiece it falls,
Into the dark of night.
My baby she burns,
In the wake of my might.

Our love it tears,
apart from the seams.
Our heart are broken,
from all broken dreams.

My tears they turn,
Into the fires of hell.
My throat is scorched,
For its you that I yell.

aharper
11-27-2008, 01:31 PM
Great work wouldn't mind reading the full poem once you have finished. :D

Aharper.

lizard hunt5
11-27-2008, 01:33 PM
HOLY!... DODIAN! NICE WORK I MUST SAY!
_____________________________________________-
3000 Miles Is Far Away But I Just Want Kebab Today.

Vishaan
11-27-2008, 03:47 PM
Thanks guys.

In my opinion its still missing something..Im working on it.

RetroLove
11-27-2008, 04:59 PM
Nice work mate.
Keep it up :L

-RetroLove.

Asian
11-27-2008, 07:08 PM
Pretty good poem, apart from some convention mistakes.

Hope to read the full version soon.

Vishaan
11-27-2008, 08:09 PM
Thanks.

Convention mistakes?

Elaborate please.

Thanksgiving
11-27-2008, 08:14 PM
Nice poem. Keep it up.
Hope to see more from you.