Land of Paradise

[Colin]

Land of Paradise

Palm trees swaying,
tourists lay relaxing.
The seagulls fly alone,
the sunlight is beating.

The lotion is sensational,
holy light shining so bright.
There are no arguements,
the feeling is light.

Sand lay motionless,
music vibrates emotionally.
The rush of the ocean waves,
cocunuts tremble vigorously.

Hopes are drawn forth,
the radiant sun showing the way.
Criminals are laid to rest,
let tomorrow be another day.

[LYRiiCs]

Amazing work, 10/10.
You've written like 200000 of these in the last 2 days lol.

[Colin]

Amazing work, 10/10.
You've written like 200000 of these in the last 2 days lol.

Thank you :)

[RockOnDude]

Nice work although you disrespected me... When i said "I love you" then i said the joke. 9/10 to the poem. -5 to you for literary artist chance.

[Asian]

In your first stanza it doesn't really make sense when you say people shouting, and you're decribing paradise..

[Colin]

Nice work although you disrespected me... When i said "I love you" then i said the joke. 9/10 to the poem. -5 to you for literary artist chance.

I said I was joking, lol?

The one you posted about me, I do not care if it is a joke or not, I take it very offensive, if you did not know, I forgive you. Sorry for my post by the way.

Thank you for the rate.

[RockOnDude]

I said I was joking, lol?

The one you posted about me, I do not care if it is a joke or not, I take it very offensive, if you did not know, I forgive you. Sorry for my post by the way.

Thank you for the rate.

SHould have put "(joke)" I took it very offensively.

[Colin]

SHould have put "(joke)" I took it very offensively.

I was editing it, Asian deleted it though.

[Asian]

People relaxing isn't quite right, but i bet you could think of something that makes it a lot better.

Keep working, looks good.

[Colin]

People relaxing isn't quite right, but i bet you could think of something that makes it a lot better.

Keep working, looks good.

Fine, give me a second though :)

[Eneberg]

wow.
10/10

[liljon9090]

Great poem,Not much work needed,Good luck to your future ones,9/10.

[Colin]

Great poem,Not much work needed,Good luck to your future ones,9/10.

Thank you :)

By the way, is that better Asian?

[Shuza]

9/10, Nice Job Masuraki.
Are you going for Lit. Artist?

[Colin]

9/10, Nice Job Masuraki.
Are you going for Lit. Artist?

I thought that was obvious, lol.

[Zaveski]

I have to say, you should of been here in August during Arsenal94's LA contest.

[Asian]

Tourist lay relaxing, better.

[Colin]

I have to say, you should of been here in August during Arsenal94's LA contest.

I was, just was not as into it as I am now.

Tourist lay relaxing, better.

Thank you!

[Every1die4]

Wow Colin. You've really been practicing. These poems you're making are just so...epic. 9/10 ;)

[Colin]

Wow Colin. You've really been practicing. These poems you're making are just so...epic. 9/10 ;)

I have been practicing.

[Tupac777]

I wish I was there 10/10 great work

"Off banned at 5:00pm cst"

[Colin]

I wish I was there 10/10 great work

"Off banned at 5:00pm cst"

Thank you, you have like twenty minutes left too.

[bluedragon]

You remembered four paragraphs :)

10/10, keep them comming.

[F2ks]

Land of Paradise

Palm trees swaying,
tourists lay relaxing.
The seagulls fly alone,
the sunlight is beating.

The lotion is sensational,
holy light shining so bright.
There are no arguements,
the feeling is light.

Sand lay motionless,
music vibrates emotionally.
The rush of the ocean waves,
cocunuts tremble vigorously.

Hopes are drawn forth,
the radiant sun showing the way.
Criminals are laid to rest,
let tomorrow be another day.

The words in bold and red are spelt incorrectly. "arguements" should be "arguments", "cocunuts" should be "coconuts". Other than that it's quite fascinating, and enjoyable to read. 9/10