Abandonment.

[LYRiiCs]

This is a poem I had to write for my English lesson. I mite add some more, but I'm not sure.

My cage is like a prison,
Guarded with a strong iron rods, vibrating and contracting in the cold frosty air.
I have a life sentence of abandonment, locked in this pit of sorrow.
I am scarred for life knowing that I will never be free.

I am stuck in a damp and dark corner,
Ridden with rats, and smelling like a rotting corpse.
I am all alone, in this death pit of hate.

I've had dreams of being free,
When I spread my silky wings,
Flutter my feathers,
And drift around the sky, like a hot air balloon in full flight.

But instead, I'm still locked away in my cage,
Wishing and wondering that I would one day I would be free,
That I could feel the ambience of love,
And that I could full fill my dreams.

[TOXiiCz]

nice vocabulary, loving the adjectives in the middle there...

[King cold2]

great vocabulary ill give you 9/10:D

[LYRiiCs]

Cheers for the feedback.

[Marisa]

I'd like to see you expand on this. I think you're on to something.

[LYRiiCs]

I'd like to see you expand on this. I think you're on to something.

Added a little bit of my next stanza.

[Every1die4]

That sure does sound good. I wonder what Marisa has to say about this new addition. :D

[Marisa]

That sure does sound good. I wonder what Marisa has to say about this new addition. :D

I only fully critique finished works. ;) Sounds good so far though.

[TOXiiCz]

Ollie your in the cage and you are a bird, it wouldn't be ridden with rats, or in a corner, and if you are a bird you would class, 'ridden with rats' alone would you...

[LYRiiCs]

I only fully critique finished works. ;) Sounds good so far though.

Added another load, :p

[D1sturb3d]

looks good man keep them coming.

[TOXiiCz]

But instead, I'm still locked away in my cage,
wishing and wondering if I would one day, be free.
That I could feel the SLIGHT ambience of love,
And that I could full fill my dreams.

Top line in red i edited the that to if, i think it sounds better, and the Slight i added to make it more meaningfull.
(In other words, it is letting the reader know, at the moment he doesn't even get a SLIGHT ambience of love.)

[Zaveski]

Much better.

[LYRiiCs]

Cheers Zaven, it means alot coming from a Ell-Artist :}