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Colin
02-09-2009, 03:31 PM
Book of Life


The wonderful joy,
I feel newly born.
My book is impeccable,
it may not be torn.

The passing of days,
pages begin to turn.
Full of faults,
others may read and learn.

Contents are made,
chapters are beggining.
This thy old book,
now spacious and filling.

Made and forgiven,
it has been checked.
You may not let go,
with careless neglect.

An outstanding arrangement,
one with good deeds.
Vast and knowing,
it serves other's needs.

Designed and faultless,
it should fully be.
Kept clean and safe,
hearts formed with glee.


Took me roughly 45 minutes. What do you think?
Hugh Hefner
02-09-2009, 03:33 PM
Very well wrote,
I like it Masuraki,
Keep it up!

-Dylan
Colin
02-09-2009, 03:38 PM
Very well wrote,
I like it Masuraki,
Keep it up!

-Dylan


Thank you, I am working on another one now, should be done in an hour or two.
RockOnDude
02-09-2009, 03:43 PM
-claps-
Best work ever!
11/10
Colin
02-09-2009, 03:57 PM
-claps-
Best work ever!
11/10

Really think so?

:)
Eneberg
02-09-2009, 04:04 PM
great poetry masuriki.

10/10
Colin
02-09-2009, 04:24 PM
great poetry masuriki.

10/10

Masuraki*

Thank you.
r4p1d sp3cz
02-09-2009, 04:31 PM
Nice Poem Colin. Write More
10/10 For Teh Nub :P
Colin
02-09-2009, 08:00 PM
Nice Poem Colin. Write More
10/10 For Teh Nub :P

I am working on more as we speak :)
Venom
02-09-2009, 08:45 PM
10/10 How are you not a Literary Artist?
Zaveski
02-09-2009, 09:38 PM
Makes me feel like you didn't end it, also you misspelled a few words. Don't try to think you know how to spell something when you don't. "Glee" is probably the WORST word to end a poem on. And throughout the whole poem there was only one primary emotion, fix that.

5/10
Colin
02-10-2009, 10:53 AM
Makes me feel like you didn't end it, also you misspelled a few words. Don't try to think you know how to spell something when you don't. "Glee" is probably the WORST word to end a poem on. And throughout the whole poem there was only one primary emotion, fix that.

5/10

It was meant to have one primary emotion, I do know how to spell those words, I may have mis-typed some of them. Thank you for the feedback though, helps me alot. I agree the ending is sorta bad.