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KxWarrior
04-15-2009, 05:26 PM
The car door closes,
The flag girl begins her stride.
The Pink Slips are handed out,
As well as each drivers pride.

The cars ignitions light,
And engines begin to roar,
Tires begin to spin as
The crowd chants for more.

The drivers look at one another,
As the empty street fades to black.
There is only one winner to this;
There is no turning back.

She lifts up the flag,
And swings it hard into the ground.
The force of the car,
Causes both drivers ears to pound.

They're off in a rush,
To get to the end of the track,
The nitrous blast hits the engine,
And his face feels like its in his back.

At the end, he remains victorious,
The winning of this fight.
The sirens of the police begin to ring,
And the group makes their flight.

I know the last stanza didnt rhyme, i didnt do grammatical corrections, or punctuation, get over it, i'll do it when i care.


CnC?

PureLemon
04-15-2009, 05:37 PM
I liked it, what inspired you?
Was it the new movie:Fast And The Furious?
I enjoyed it dearly lol

XX aelita XX
04-15-2009, 05:38 PM
10/10.

Nothing to say.

briese
04-15-2009, 06:05 PM
I liked it! The only thing I'd ask you to do is rewrite the last stanza. It seems like you know you needed to end the poem and rushed through it. The rest of the poem flows, but even if you were to fix the rhyme, that last stanza would still be spotty. Great work KX! :D

Pillar
04-15-2009, 06:46 PM
:o I liked it!

9/10

ynnaD
04-15-2009, 06:47 PM
Very nice, it has a nice flow and great rhyming. Good job Kx, 9.5\10

KxWarrior
04-15-2009, 06:51 PM
Thanks guys, i'll re-write that last stanza

No, the movie didn't inspire me. I race, so it's definitely a feeling i get. Not pro racing just some minor street racing. Although i would love to be pro someday ;D.

Also, a friend of mine, who died recently, kinda contributed to it, as he raced...It was just a thought in my head, which became a poem

Anyways, The feedback is great, and briese, im glad to get a positive response out of you, thanks :)

Perf
04-15-2009, 06:54 PM
ken likes ****.

KxWarrior
04-15-2009, 07:07 PM
Lol @ Perf. I hate you sometimes.

anyways, yes, i like ****.

Plate
04-15-2009, 07:09 PM
its good nice job:)

Pillar
04-15-2009, 07:12 PM
ken likes ****.

Really? Lol

hooty
04-15-2009, 07:25 PM
this is really cool

KxWarrior
04-15-2009, 07:31 PM
no, and unless you have something to actually say of value pillar, i wouldnt post here again, got it?

and you too hooty

OwnagE1337
04-15-2009, 07:37 PM
Pretty good but not better than mine i bet ;]

10/10 keep up the improvemet Ken

KxWarrior
04-15-2009, 07:39 PM
we'd have to see how many people give yours a crappy rating then, wont we? lol

owned3111
04-16-2009, 12:59 AM
haha well good job i guess.