My first haiku.

[aphrodite]

Well this is my first haiku, haikus are the simplest form of petry but you need to start somewhere.


In the play, I'd be a sheep,
To help poor tommy fall asleep,
But the suit on my skin,
Hurt like a sin,
And now it's too tight for my leap!

rate/hate tell me what i can improve on, or what i did wrong

[Albanez]

I like the Start;D 6/10,

Improve,, Try to make it longer, it was to short but good beginning =)

[bling bling4]

Thats nice for a start. Just make a bit longer and it's a great poem :).


Bling Bling

[aphrodite]

Thanks guys haiku's can be short. but ill try to make a long one for you just gota think might take a lil while.

[Sherpa2Chris]

Haiku is a form of Japanese poetry, consisting of 17 morae (or on), in three metrical phrases of 5, 7 and 5 morae respectively. According to Wikipedia, this poem is a Haiku. :o

Well, I'm not sure how to rate this. It's not the kind of poem that I like, so I don't really have anything to say.

[r i 0 t]

thats pretty chill mann :]

[Kreepy]

FN DANDY start but it kinda died the last 2 lines. Overall great work 8/10

[Cariz]

That is not a haiku - haikus are 17 sylabils long with three lines - 5,7,5. Yours is not.

Edit: I notice Sherpa posted a wiki quote - this is correct.