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aphrodite
04-16-2009, 10:29 PM
This one took about 45 minutes to make it all make sense.

She wakes every morning with a smile
on her face.
She felt his love in her sleep.
Dreamed of his embrace.

Although she's never met his body.
His heart she does feel.
Anytime she has loved before.
Has never felt so real.

There is no explanation for it.
Not one has she yet found.
But oh my god the feeling she gets when
he is around.

Although it may end tomorrow.
The memory will not fade.
For in her heart a life long friend.
She feels that she has made.

She hopes it lasts forever.
She prays that they do meet.
She dreams of the day her love.
sweeps her off her feet.


rate/hate tell me what to fix/ improve. This is my second time posting a poem.

Marisa
04-16-2009, 10:36 PM
Well, change the omg to oh my god/gosh. Acronyms like that in poems are just weird. First line, last stanza "lasts" forever. Tiny typo, no biggie. I really liked it up until I read "online love". That was when I was like "whoa...hold up." Otherwise, I think it's fairly well written. Keep it up.

aphrodite
04-16-2009, 10:39 PM
thanks marissa I fixed those, im also a little new at poems so im learning im glad you liked it though.

Uldine
04-16-2009, 10:41 PM
Personally, i say remove the Omg in general, that will help with the flow. Is this poem about someone you like, or someone you know?.

make sure you get the grammatics down. and also, that you're not in love online...because if you are, thats sad.

aphrodite
04-16-2009, 10:43 PM
Personally, i say remove the Omg in general, that will help with the flow. Is this poem about someone you like, or someone you know?.

make sure you get the grammatics down. and also, that you're not in love online...because if you are, thats sad.

ok lol this poem isnt about or someone else i found that it was a little creepy with the online thing but i fixed it lol

Uldine
04-16-2009, 10:46 PM
thank god.

you scared me and marisa. lol

Marisa
04-16-2009, 10:47 PM
thank god.

you scared me and marisa. lol

I wasn't scared per se. I was just like "Oh geez...seriously?" By the way, thanks for spelling my name right. ;)

1 stake all
04-17-2009, 01:44 AM
i think it is a good poem i like it alot