Happiness

[XX aelita XX]

This was my entry for the LOTM #2. I thought I would share it with you all :)

An emotion that flows within us is happiness,
It is like an everlasting smile we can suppress.
We heed this feeling beneath us all.
Because in our hearts, happiness stands tall.

Behind a lurking vengeful soul,
Happiness will rise and reveal your control.
Stealing happiness might make you smart,
But true happiness is straight from the heart.

What makes us happy is all but one.
As we run over what we begun,
We choose our lives and how they strive,
Although happiness is what makes us survive.

We live in a world with the flow of time.
Happiness is like a ladder that will help us climb.
As we climb to our hearts, high above.
The true happiness, is the feeling of love.

[lord chase]

nice this is really good hmmm i wish i had talent like this well this is awsome:thumbsup:

[XX aelita XX]

Thanks Chase.

[Nottz]

This is a pretty good piece. Although, some parts do not make sense. Why would you surpress a smile, especially if you're feeling happiness? The rhyming is pretty good, and the rhythm is decent. I don't like poems with such blatent refrains, I prefer some like "nevermore" from "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe. Try a bit harder, but overall, it's good.

[XX aelita XX]

Thanks for the positive criticism nottz ;)

[Colin]

A comma should appear after lurking.
The comma at the end is not necessary either.

Overall, good peice. At times, it felt like you were just adding some phrases just to get it to rhyme, very minor though.