My Superman

[Marisa]

Ok, so I didn't embellish this poem with different adjectives like normal. It's pretty much just simple and to the point. (This is what happens when I get stressed out apparently. :P) Anyway, wrote it today and thought you guys might like it. Enjoy.

Not all heroes come with bold, bright capes,
X-ray vision, or super strength.
Mine comes to me in a shirt and jeans;
Eyes hazel, with a hint of green.

And when my world starts to crumble,
When tears begin to roll,
His arms wrap around me,
His strength keeps me whole.

Unlike your average hero,
He has no way to fly.
Yet when I'm with him,
I feel like I can touch the sky.

My own personal kryptonite,
My hero in blue jeans.
My rock and my strength;
My superman.

[Colin]

The last stanza kind of threw it off a little; had a rythem to it, then it just fell apart at the end (my opinion).

I think your second stanza could be improved by taking out the "and" at the beginning.

It was a good poem though, don't get me wrong. Overall, the flow you established was great.

8.7/10 - Final rating

[omfg stfu]

good poem 7/10 =]

[Cariz]

My own personal kryptonite,
My hero in blue jeans.
My rock and my strength;
My superman.

Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't kryponite make superman weak?

[Ubiquitous]

Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't kryponite make superman weak?

That is correct. Is your "superman" going to read this poem? I guess shirts help you write poems ;)

[Marisa]

Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't kryponite make superman weak?

Precisely. I'm trying to say "he's my weakness."

And uh...don't know if I'll have him read this or not. It's kind of cheesy.

[Ubiquitous]

Precisely. I'm trying to say "he's my weakness."

And uh...don't know if I'll have him read this or not. It's kind of cheesy.

I bet he'll love it :)

[f4ll3n d0wn]

i really enjoyed this poem and you have practical natural poetic chops. great job =p 10/10

[Marisa]

I bet he'll love it :)

Eh, maybe I'll link him to it tonight if he gets online. ;)

[Nottz]

Is this about Ben?

[Marisa]

Is this about Ben?

I'm not telling...;)

[Ubiquitous]

Is this about Ben?

I KNOW! I KNOW! I can't tell you, but I know. Superman!

[Sprit3]

This has a great flow.
It is a little different though.
7/10.

[Redsax2092]

thnx marisa that poem was amazing

[Marisa]

thnx marisa that poem was amazing

Haha, I don't know about that. But anytime. ;)

[Marisa]

I made the last stanza different on purpose. Lol, the last two lines of the poem were actually what inspired me to write the rest.

[Masterlop]

BEST POEM I'VE EVER READ! 11/10!!!!!!!!

Oh and have a free 2 month bump!

[Max]

well, the correct version of that would be


My superman
his name is Maxi.

That's all you need tbh.

[NinjaCat]

Nice poem Marisa I like it who is it for ?:P

[Marisa]

Read up. You'll find out. :P

[Max]

thought so.

[Marisa]

*sigh* I screwed that up obviously. It's about my boyfriend who happens to be named Ben. So...sorry about your luck Max.

[Masterlop]

Lol, gf max... Oh and btw - BEST POEM I'VE EVER READ!

[v23]

I really like this poem, Marisa.
The structure and vocab' is very effective.