depression

[f4ll3n d0wn]

this is my 1st poetic work in a while so enjoy..=]


Depression.
The blade that cuts sharper than any razor
The pain that tugs on your heartstrings
The tendencies that isolate you from reality

The feeling as if the world is engulfed in hate
As if all hope is lost and all that remains is misery
Keeping you alone and afraid of what is to come
Where not even a shadow remains a friend

No comfort, just darkness
Where nothing personal dares to step within it's boundary
For fear of abuse or neglect
Those who fall into the bottomless pit of despair
Never return without a bitter memory of what the past contained..


I know its not the best in the world so rate or hate =]

[RockOnDude]

This is suppost to be like emo right?

[f4ll3n d0wn]

In a way it is but also its not, because i wasnt writing a sad sob emo suicidal feeling story. I just introduced depression as it can be seen from everyones point of view.:)

[Nottz]

Please refer to Wiz' rant about emo poems. Alot of people (not saying you) make poems like this using the following steps.

1. Pick a random emotion
2. Use a thesaurus with the emotion
3. Make it sound cool
4. POEM

That isn't how we do things. As for this poem, it looks like every other beginner poem on here, an attempted free verse made by tossing sentences together. Also, don't forget your punctuation. Commas should be at the end of every line until the end of the stanza. Try and make a rhyming poem, and pick a better topic than some random emotion, or find a more discrete way to get that emotion across.

[XX aelita XX]

Try to create a flow within your poems. A rhyming scene now and then can help the reader find it more enjoyable.

[f4ll3n d0wn]

Please refer to Wiz' rant about emo poems. Alot of people (not saying you) make poems like this using the following steps.

1. Pick a random emotion
2. Use a thesaurus with the emotion
3. Make it sound cool
4. POEM

That isn't how we do things. As for this poem, it looks like every other beginner poem on here, an attempted free verse made by tossing sentences together. Also, don't forget your punctuation. Commas should be at the end of every line until the end of the stanza. Try and make a rhyming poem, and pick a better topic than some random emotion, or find a more discrete way to get that emotion across.
Thank you for the advice, but i didn't use any random emotion, a thesaurus, or throwing together. I used ture details about depression from a point of view that everyone can see that it is harmful

[Colin]

Mold into more of a poem, kind of jumps around from subject to subject. The flow really wasn't there either.

5.6/10 - For the overall poem.

[Leet Sher]

Wow, that poem is very deep. Good job!:)

[f4ll3n d0wn]

Thank you. I'm glad you see the point I am reaching for:yes: