So much time.

[liljon9090]

Time on my hands, so much time on my hands
Remorse and sorrow fill my days
Since she returned the golden band

Time to reflect, so much time to reflect
On the bitter words spoken
Causing tears I now regret

Long lonely hours, Such long lonely hours
Spent alone with my thoughts
About a sweet love turned sour

Long empty days, such long empty days
Seeing people and places
We had seen in happier ways

Long lonely nights, such long lonely nights
Sadly waking cold and alone
In the dawns unfriendly light

Time on my hands, so much time on my hands
Spending the hours of my solitude
Trying hard to understand.


Alright I tried hard on this one,But I got stuck so many times and gave up.Well this is what's left of it. Rate or hate.

[liljon9090]

Also a few more pointers would be nice.

[f4ll3n d0wn]

i could really feel your true feelings in this piece and i can sense it all with every piece you submit. In some way i sorta feel your pain. good job 8/10:)

[liljon9090]

I loved the fact that you repeated the first sentence of each stanza twice. It makes the poem seem more intresting! I did not like the fact that you jumped around with diffrent topics though. Try to stick on one thing! Nonetheless, this was very amusing to read. 8/10!

- Alexander.
Thanks.
i could really feel your true feelings in this piece and i can sense it all with every piece you submit. In some way i sorta feel your pain. good job 8/10:)
Thanks.

[XX aelita XX]

One thing in poetry. Do not repeat something over and over. Like double word phrases. It had no flow at all. Expand your vocabulary and try again. 5/10.

[Nottz]

Wow wow wow. Where have you been? And why have you not been this good before?

Fantastic. The rhythm could be improved but overall was very nice, the first line repitition was a very nice touch that made me keep reading, and the fact that you named the poem discretely with a line towards the end made this one of my latest favorites in the section. Bravo, my friend, you've earned a gold star from Nottz.

8.5/10

One thing in poetry. Do not repeat something over and over. Like double word phrases. It had no flow at all. Expand your vocabulary and try again. 5/10.
I thought the repitition was a nice touch, it made every stanza seem like a different poem that all got tied together somehow. So I disagree sir.

[liljon9090]

Wow wow wow. Where have you been? And why have you not been this good before?


I thought I could never do poetry,even though I loved it so much. I gave it shot and I guess I'm doing pretty good so far?

You inspire me. :angel:

[XX aelita XX]

Wow wow wow. Where have you been? And why have you not been this good before?

Fantastic. The rhythm could be improved but overall was very nice, the first line repitition was a very nice touch that made me keep reading, and the fact that you named the poem discretely with a line towards the end made this one of my latest favorites in the section. Bravo, my friend, you've earned a gold star from Nottz.

8.5/10


I thought the repitition was a nice touch, it made every stanza seem like a different poem that all got tied together somehow. So I disagree sir.
It sounds like the same thing over and over. You get sick of it.
There was no flow.

[liljon9090]

It sounds like the same thing over and over. You get sick of it.
There was no flow.
Your quite the hater aren't you? Just because it's nothing compared to how you write yours,you get "sick of it".

[XX aelita XX]

Your quite the hater aren't you? Just because it's nothing compared to how you write yours,you get "sick of it".
No, nothing to do with that. It's just the fact I 'actually' write mine.
http://www.short-love-poems.net/sad-love-poems.html

[Xzite]

Hello Lilon9090, you've created an interesting scene and managed to display a great deal of tension through description. I enjoyed that sense of emotion by not blatantly expressing it...let the action show it.

The sonic I received fit a casual evening with friends. If I were to use one word, I might describe the first part of the poem as having a languid pace.

I might consider placing the line, 'On the bitter words spoken' at the beginning of a stanza, because at that point, the scene does take a dramatic turn. I think there is a loss of impact with its present location.

For the most part, your sentences are simple and straight-forward, fitting the mood you've created. Where I might add some variety into the mix is in the last long stanza. There's a certain repetitive feel. A bit of variety there would be nice.

I do agree that the core of your poem is in the final section, though you do need to set the scene. There is a deal of cropping that could be done without losing too much.

[LYRiiCAL]

It's pretty good mate. 8/10.