another poem by nobartholem- rate out of 10....

[Mutilate]

The minute- a freeverse poem by Nobartholem, master of myths.


One minute
So long for so little
To be in pain
To be in joyous moments
To break your heart.
To have a moment
To lose it all

Two minutes
Much to long
To long to say nothing
Long enough to die
To be silenced

[Balance]

You are not a master of grammar, you have forgotten puncutation.
Learn to write in stanzas, and i have 3 words for you.
Use a thesaurus.

~Balance

[top4skiller]

dont like it that much :(

top4skiller

[Mutilate]

The minute- a freeverse poem by Nobartholem, master of myths.


One minute
So long for so little
To be in pain
To be in joyous moments
To break your heart.
To have a moment
To lose it all

Two minutes
Much to long
To long to say nothing
Long enough to die
To be silenced

You are not a master of grammar, you have forgotten puncutation.
Learn to write in stanzas, and i have 3 words for you.
Use a thesaurus.

~Balance


puncuation seams to be in order....i don't know what your talkin bout???

and the purpose isn't to awe people with use of spectacular words. I write to make people think and be challenged

[XX aelita XX]

You are no where near a master of grammar. You should put commas, full stops, and add a flow. It was too short and at least four stanzas would be alright.

[Mutilate]

i dunno how i could make in 2 more stanzas that make it still on topic...any ideas?

[Guinness]

You are no where near a master of grammar. You should put commas, full stops, and add a flow. It was too short and at least four stanzas would be alright.

Master of grammar?
If you are one, then you'd know that 'Atleast' is one word.

Nice poem mate.

[XX aelita XX]

Master of grammar?
If you are one, then you'd know that 'Atleast' is one word.

Nice poem mate.
And if you were one, you would know it would be both wouldn't you? I'm sure 'at' and 'least' can be used as seperate words. Don't correct me mate.

[Touche]

I dislike this poem. Also, you're nowhere near a master of grammar.

[Mutilate]

any ideas on how to improve it then??

[XX aelita XX]

Read my above post. Also, it needs rhythm.

[Vyrewatch]

Well I suppose it is ok, but it could be much better.
I think if you added one more stanza or so, it'd be better.

[LYRiiCAL]

The structure of the poem isn't great, although it has a good flow and rhythm to it. I'd rate this a 6/10.

[Mutilate]

One minute: remade by nobartholem

One minute
So little to spenbd
But so long to happen
The time to end your pain
and start it again
To lose a friend

One day
Enough to feal a joy
To mean a jest
To gain the world
To lose it all

One year
Enough to change
Enough to lose your sorrows
but gain many more
To see your errors
To fall into happiness

One lifetime
Never enough

[Ubiquitous]

You are no where near a master of grammar. You should put commas, full stops, and add a flow. It was too short and at least four stanzas would be alright.

Neither are you. "grammar: you should have put commas, full stops and add a flow" You were starting a list which means use a colon and the last part of a list does not require a comma.

On topic - I felt no flow, but at least you tried. Write about something that makes you think and feel. That is when you usually get your best poems.

[Balance]

It's ok, 6/10.
A few spelling mistakes but everyone isn't right.
I don't like the Sub-Titles, try writing a poem which is longer.

~Balance

[kl zezima]

Guys shut up, Sorry to be blunt this isn't a topic where you can rip into people.

Yeh so what, Not everyone's grammer is good, WE'RE ONLINE! SO WHAT! Does it matter? We aren't in GCSE. This is a topic about how to improve his poem if needed not to say how **** it is or whatnot. Don't reply ''I dislike this'' without stating you're reason 1st.

This poem is ok, But i do think it needs rythm and maybe some ''Splashpage'' kinda thing.

[ynnaD]

Add some punctuation signs, and some flow on it and should be good.

[Mutilate]

powerty doesnt need punctuation. when i went

Capital letter
not capital

i was continuing a thought

[Spyware]

puncuation seams to be in order....i don't know what your talkin bout???

and the purpose isn't to awe people with use of spectacular words. I write to make people think and be challenged

Are you serious?
There is no punctuation.
You should use commas, and periods at least.
Also, use a thesaurus some things in here could use some up in words.

[Mutilate]

poetry is not like normal literature

it is plotted differently
each line is it's own thought. it doens't require a period or a comma

its not like this (random **** poem comin up)

Driver hurry up,
I need a cake from the factory.
so please get me there quick.
Please go, i pay well

This poorly done poem would be

Driver
Hurry up please
I need a cake from the factory
So please
Get me there quickly
Please go
I pay well

No commas, no periods. Not in free verse.

and ur a total flamer btw....

and im not trying to awe people with a sophisticated vocabulary. I'm trying to get a point across.

Although my poem does need some flow

poetry doesn't flow when you use mind boggling words

I'm counting to one hundred
Though i have a heart disease
Yes i admit it
Don't bother me please
Its only hypertrophic cardiomyopathy
Don't go and put me down
I just want to live and die
Like a kind of clown

and yes hypertrophic cardiomyopathy is a real disease, i did a project on it. look it up.

[Jesse]

Master of grammar?
If you are one, then you'd know that 'Atleast' is one word.

Nice poem mate.

Atleast is not one word, twit. Stop trying to correct people who have the right information.

On the subject of the poem:

Terrible. I recommend you pay attention in English class, OP.

[Mutilate]

but do you agree that large words arent necessary in this "****ty poem"

[Jesse]

No, but I believe utilization of the English language is.

[Crosby Num87]

I don't like it. I understand nothing with fault of grammar. 3/10

[amos pk]

well... Even with bad things said about this poem, I enjoyed it! 7/10 for you. (:

-Nick

[Mutilate]

see this kid is smart......

[Jesse]

see this kid is smart......

Sure, why not. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't make them stupid, you know.

[Mutilate]

its called sarcasm man. i just don't know how to make this poem better.

And the way i right this poetry is somewhat old english. But yet still in proper grammar (that sentence is in proper grammar)

[L1l 13urnz]

pretty good. alot of "to"

:) i like it its good 9/10

[Marisa]

Ok, here are my thoughts on it.

1) If you're going to randomly put a period in there out of nowhere then you need to use punctuation through the entire piece. You are correct in that not all poems require punctuation. Some authors choose not to use it, yet it does help your rhythm and flow be understood by an audience.

2) 2nd stanza, 2nd line. It should be "too" not "to." Same with the next line. (Don't take offense to this please. I correct everyone. Once our mistakes are pointed out to us, it makes us better writers.)

3) I think what the other people in here are trying to say is that you need to elaborate on your topic. You start out with one minute, but then you flip to two. It kind of doesn't really fit entirely. As in, it flows oddly. If you could elaborate on that "one minute" then it would probably help your work immensely.

Good luck in your future writings.

[Mutilate]

i put up a re-edited version on the second or third page everyone. please review it