Serenity; WIP.

[LYRiiCAL]

Serenity

The two-lane highway stretches in the distance.
With no end in sight as houses, small towns and hills run together
Blurred by the pace and lack of interest in the scenery
I know where I'm going, I know how to get there.
My destination is my only concern.
How much longer can I wait?
Beyond that, what am I going to do, think and feel when I get there?

The slightest of smiles crosses my lips as the cool air makes a mess of my hair
How can such a contradiction be so satisfying to experience?
Its chaos is my order
Nothing is as expected, exactly how it should be.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

Finally, the familiar scent of freedom brings me back.
I wandered a bit in thought, but that's okay
Whatever I give, you'll gladly accept.
No questions, no comments, no limits.
I can barely contain myself, and I almost miss my turn...again.

Further down the road I can hear what I've waited for.
What I came here for, what I wanted, what I needed.
Birds dart across the sky stealing the first rays of the day
Their calls sounds like laughter mocking my decisions


I don't really know where to go from here.
I aim to get atleast two more stanzas in there,
But my brain is gradually switching off.

[XX aelita XX]

A few grammatical errors. 'It's' and commas. Besides those, I love the flow. The vocabulary is great and sounds nice. It's still a wip, but for a start, good work. 7.5/10.

[LYRiiCAL]

A few grammatical errors. 'It's' and commas. Besides those, I love the flow. The vocabulary is great and sounds nice. It's still a wip, but for a start, good work. 7.5/10.

Its chaos is my order

An apostrophe is not needed in that sentence, because that would make it;
It is chaos is my order.
I want it to be;
Its chaos is my order.

Like... Its not It's (It is)

[Nanoblade]

Serenity


The two-lane highway stretches in the distance.
With no end in sight as houses, small towns and hills run together
Blurred by the pace and lack of interest in the scenery
I know where I'm going, I know how to get there.
My destination is my only concern
How much longer can I wait?
Beyond that, what am I going to do, think and feel when I get there?

The slightest of smiles crosses my lips as the cool air makes a mess of my hair
How can such a contradiction be so satisfying to experience?
Its chaos is my order
Nothing is as expected, exactly how it should be.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't really know where to go from here.
I aim to get atleast two more stanzas in there,

But my brain is gradually switching off.


Looking good so far, that line in red is an edited version of your own. I thought what I put made more sense and added to the flow better.

Up to you if you keep it :).

-Luke

[XX aelita XX]

Maybe you can use that better.

'It is chaos as my order'

[LYRiiCAL]

Looking good so far, that line in red is an edited version of your own. I thought what I put made more sense and added to the flow better.

Up to you if you keep it :).

-Luke

It's funny you say that, I thought the same.
I was going to wait to see what others thought.
I will edit that now, thanks Luke.

[Nanoblade]

It's funny you say that, I thought the same.
I was going to wait to see what others thought.
I will edit that now, thanks Luke.

;)

Your welcome bud.

-Luke

[LYRiiCAL]

I've added another stanza.