There's a Feeling in the Air - Nottz

[Nottz]

There's a feeling in the air,
A sense that you never really cared,

It's the way you look tonight,
The way your eyes reflect the light,

It's how the moon kisses the sky,
How the people passed us by,
And how my words, that made you cry,
Made you have to say goodbye.

There's a feeling in the air,
My heart fills with despair,

For I know our love was true,
But now it's parting me from you,

My mind it's filled with dread,
These things that taunt me in my head,
No more tears shall my eyes shed,
For the romance, it is dead.


This is my entry for LOTM. I wanted to see what people thought.

[Colin]

Edit by Colin - Yes, just the last words.


And how my words, that made you cry,
Made you have to say goodbye.

I don't feel like it has to do with romance, crying?

[Every1die4]

It's the way you look tonite,

ROFLMFAO!

Get out.

[Colin]

ROFLMFAO!

Get out.

A common variant of "tonight" noob, get out.

:)

[Nottz]

ROFLMFAO!

Get out.

There's no hope. I'll never spell that word correctly.

[Every1die4]

"Tonight" is the traditional version.

If you'll observe, "tonite" is listed as a misspelling by the system here.

The use of "tonite" can probably be traced to the way that people make mistakes and they stick with a small group and then the use of it expands, making it become a use that people accept.

Sure, I'll accept it, but it is a misspelling, nonetheless.

The rhyming gets annoying, just a tad. :D

[Nottz]

"Tonight" is the traditional version.

If you'll observe, "tonite" is listed as a misspelling by the system here.

The use of "tonite" can probably be traced to the way that people make mistakes and they stick with a small group and then the use of it expands, making it become a use that people accept.

Sure, I'll accept it, but it is a misspelling, nonetheless.

The rhyming gets annoying, just a tad. :D

There, I changed it for you, Noob.

[Colin]

"Tonight" is the traditional version.

If you'll observe, "tonite" is listed as a misspelling by the system here.

The use of "tonite" can probably be traced to the way that people make mistakes and they stick with a small group and then the use of it expands, making it become a use that people accept.

Sure, I'll accept it, but it is a misspelling, nonetheless.

The rhyming gets annoying, just a tad. :D

Nevertheless it is a variant of it and the system we have here is most likely not the sharpest system in the world.

[Jesse]

There's a feeling in the air,
A sense that you never really cared,

It's the way you look tonight,
The way your eyes reflect the light,

It's how the moon kisses the sky,
How the people passed us by,
And how my words, that made you cry,
Made you have to say goodbye.

There's a feeling in the air,
My heart fills with despair,

For I know our love was true,
But now it's parting me from you,

My mind it's filled with dread,
These things that taunt me in my head,
No more tears shall my eyes shed,
For the romance, it is dead.


This is my entry for LOTM. I wanted to see what people thought.

Record that reading of rhythm, it's hard to pick up on it. The commas are a bit redundant, though - you can stop a sentence in a poem (i.e. My mind it's filled with dread, these things that taunt me in my head.)! Also, you have a bit too many words, and that interrupts the flow of the poem. I noticed that in this part:

My mind it's filled with dread,
These things that taunt me in my head

I would have taken this approach:

My mind is filled with dread,
from all these things that taunt my head.


etc.

Best part:

It's how the moon kisses the sky


Worst part:

For the romance, it is dead.


Your last line needs to bring it all home.

Needs revision.

[Hieko Skillz]

Record that reading of rhythm, it's hard to pick up on it. The commas are a bit redundant, though - you can stop a sentence in a poem (i.e. My mind it's filled with dread, these things that taunt me in my head.)! Also, you have a bit too many words, and that interrupts the flow of the poem. I noticed that in this part:


I would have taken this approach:


etc.

Best part:


Worst part:


Your last line needs to bring it all home.

Needs revision.


Strongly agree with you on some of these topics, specifically the sentence ending and the flow being off in spots. I would suggest rereading your poem and if you stop mid way through and have to think about the feel or flow of a part you should revise it.

[Every1die4]

Also;

It's how the moon kisses the sky,
How the people passed us by,
And how my words, that made you cry,
Made you have to say goodbye.

That's kind of redundant, and it makes it sound weird. You used the same word/sound ending.

[Jesse]

Also;

It's how the moon kisses the sky,
How the people passed us by,
And how my words, that made you cry,
Made you have to say goodbye.

That's kind of redundant, and it makes it sound weird. You used the same word/sound ending.


It's how the moon kisses the sky,
How the people passed us by,
And how my words, that made you cry,
Made you have to say goodbye.

They all rhyme.