The Moment

[smexy mage]

Hands sweating, arms tensed,
Despite his fear, he steps up to the plate.
Crowd roaring, heart rate soaring,
His eyes meet the pitchers, His hands tightening on the bat,
The pitchers leg raises, then it happens,
The ball flys out of the pitchers hand at an amazing speed.
This is the moment he has been waiting for,
As the balls face becomes clearer and clearer,
An adrenaline rush surges through his body.
he swings, and...... CRACK!!
the bat connects, he opens his eyes,
just in time to see the ball soaring over the fence.
He has done it.




-Caleb

[Vishaan]

No.

Not to be a Debby downer, but nothing about this is poetic, except for the elegance in which you tried to set the mood. Take this as constructive, by the way.

The first thin is, is it looks to be free, or blank verse. The problem you are presenting yourself with, is that none of the lines have the same flow as the one before, or after it. Thats a tick you might want to realize.

The second thing is, is that in some lines, you use a dramatic *pause*, or coma, for effect. Yet still, in others it is not used. That effect should only be maintained once or twice throughout the poem.

The one thing I do like that you did in this poem, is that you had a seris of events leading to a climax, which is the way every progressive poem should be.

2/10

Work on those things I pointed out, and edit it. I really want to see what you could do with this.

[Nanoblade]

There is no emotion or feeling behind this poem.

In fact, it doesn't even read like a poem. If you set it out into a paragraph it would read better.

[smexy mage]

Thanks guys, but i'm thinking about quiting poetry, I fail at it. I also don't understand some of what you said.




-Caleb