Ffffu-

[Jesse]

Twist my neck and break my bones,
sell your heart and don’t come home.
Bend your feelings and light your lies,
take my hand and we will rise.

This will be a bumpy ride,
Splintered and dying hearts will collide.
I gasp for breath and fight for blood,
I live my life not as I should.

Shoot for stars and reach your goal,
break the fall with your soul.
Broken bottles cast away to sea,
oh how quickly it will come, the misery.

This is no optimistic message, nor will it warn,
for my heart has and will be easily torn.
I’m waiting for the lightening strike, underneath the clouds,
the knowledge will not be there, for I am already endowed.

[briese]

...for I am already endowed.

You're hung; we get it. :P

Good structure, good rhyming scheme, and a consistant message. It was a bit choppy for you though, Benz...Done in haste, I think. You could make it better.

[Jesse]

Will be fixed shortly.

[Colin]

You're hung; we get it. :P


Or his ***** is just abnormally large tonight.

Great poem buddy.

[Nicck]

I really liked this

[Nanoblade]

Yes. This.

[Vishaan]

I have a hard on for the first stanza.

The second stanza's first two lines are a bit sloppy.

I love the flow in it, this should be used as an example of what flow should feel like. I say work on those two lines.