Drowning

[Chris]

Drowning

Overboard I fell, pulled deep into abyss.
Is it real? Am I drowning? Am I just dreaming this?
Consciousness escaping my mind; barely awake.
Hoping my life, this ocean won't take.

My hope has failed, my life pulled away.
The inevitable fact that I won't see another day.
My body hits the bottom, cold and pale,
I'm now someone's supper, being swallowed by a whale.

[Mutilate]

the third line of the first stanza threw off the flow a little bit

Even when rhyming, you still need good flow between line. I liked it other than that and the second line of the second stanza,

Flow lies within syllables, and each line of the stanza should have the same amount

Ex:

Stanza 1:
8 syllables
6 syllables
6 syllables
8 syllablse

That should be the syllable pattern for stanza two.