Working on this

**Kreepy** · 07-30-2010, 06:44 PM

Burying my feet,
Into the sand,
Casting my gaze,
Across the land.

The ocean nips,
At my newly tan toes,
The wind blows softly,
Ocean quietly flows.

I smile devilishly,
At my clever deed,
Sand stained red,
Laughing,
As I watched them bleed.

One crawled over,
Asked me “why?”
Subtle laughter,
Headed their cry.

One swift movement,
Silenced the weep,
Digging it deeper,
Going ever so,
Ever so deep.

I have writers block. Any suggestions?

**Nottz** · 07-30-2010, 09:39 PM

I was about to ask what you had done with Kreepy until I read the third stanza. I loved it. However, although you meant to make your poem stand out and seem poetic, the little tag at the end just ruined the flow for me. That's all.

**Kreepy** · 07-30-2010, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nottz

I was about to ask what you had done with Kreepy until I read the third stanza. I loved it. However, although you meant to make your poem stand out and seem poetic, the little tag at the end just ruined the flow for me. That's all.

I want to continue it so it flows better. I'm just stuck.